Smiling

Yesterday I came home from work, my shins aching, knees creaking, and temples pounding. My lectures were met with blank stares and the proverbial rolling of the eyes. One class challenged my every word with arrogance, flippancy, and the general hostility that is usually reserved for parents who "unfairly" ground them because they didn't do what they were supposed to do, like make the grade. Frankly, they were hoping for this part-Irish man to blow his stack (a general occurrence nowadays with the pressure I put on myself to make all my students pass,) so that their attitudes would be justified. Sternly, I let them know that my job is to force them to pass this class and that I would use all means necessary to "steer" them to the same conclusion, including calling their parents. Of course this meant groundings which made me target number one for their anger.

So falling back on my more patient English side, I kept my cool, informed them that their poor attitudes only feuled my desire to make them succeed, and that I would win in the end. I then informed them that I was expecting thank you letters in the year 2020 when they would be twenty-five and mature enough to understand why I was being so tough on them. Struggle diffused, we finished the lecture notes, learning may or may not have occurred and the kids went their own separate ways which brings us full circle now, which is oh so interesting.

At 3:11 when my last student vacated my room, I wasn't smiling.

But difficulty brings out two sides of me: the philosophical side and the cynical side, but not necessarily in that order. Okay, not in that order at all. While fuming I remarked to a collegue that one of the toughest parts to teaching is not getting to see the finished product. I've been teaching for ten years now, which is more than enough time to start receiving said letters from former students to justify my headaches, but such have been few and far between.

But I have to remind myself that God works in his own time and that His time is perfect. So to speak generally about His perfect timing, I received an e-mail today from two former students who had moved away. Students such as they are mature beyond their years and constitute the minority that I should focus on in times of hardship in the trenches of my classroom. I won't break the confidentialities of these two cherished students (and I do cherish and love all my students, tough love included,) but I will say their vote of confidence was encouraging. It's nice to hear that I made a difference and I will use this on Monday when I bring my blue collar attitude, pick axe, and lunch box back to my trench and try again to make a difference in a student's life.

P.S. Thank you, you two!!!