Rocky

A little over a year ago, the sixth Rocky movie, titled Rocky Balboa, came to the big screen, supposedly the one that closes out the series. It got me to wondering which Rocky movie was the best? Which was the worst? Which one could we live without? Which one was just plain horrible? Amongst sports movies, Rocky is a lovable character not just because of his seemingly unflawed, modest outlook on life, but we always root for the underdog. It got me to thinking, how great is the sport of boxing? You can be an absolute nobody from nowhere (Buster Douglas) and win the greatest title of the world with one punch. 

In honor of AMC's tribute to the Rocky movies this week, and with apologies to Clint Eastwood and the whole Spaghetti Western genre, I have compiled a list in descending order. Enjoy, and as always, feel free to debate.

6. Rocky V
The Good: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Depressing scenerio, depressing plot. This was supposed to be the conclusion to the Rocky series. Instead it left a bad taste in the fans' mouths and prompted the writers to think, "Dang, now we have to come up with another one!"

The Bad: Street fighting? Really? Rocky is a man of the streets, but this seeming conclusion was far beneath his dignity. It was just an old guy beating up a young punk.

The Ugly: Tommy Gunn, or whatever the young punk's name was (I've only seen this once, and I refuse to see it again, kind of like Napoleon Dynamite,) was about the weakest villan ever, but not as ugly as the Johnny Cochran/Don King wannabe promoter. That was just sad.

5. Rocky III
The Good: Rocky deals with the loss of his long time trainer/manager. The tears falls, Rocky fights his inner turmoil, and comes out on top.

The Bad: Rocky’s rematch with Clubber Lang lasts only three weak rounds of punch-drunk ecstasy. It was as if the writers got to a certain point and said, “Man, this is lasting too long. Let’s just have him knock Clubber out now.”

The Ugly: Mr. T. Has any other actor ever been this type casted? He wasn’t playing Clubber Lang. He was playing himself. This said, I am a fan of Mr. T.  Close 2nd place: Rocky and Apollo's awkward man hugs (before there were rules to how men hug) as they bounce in the surf after Rocky beat Apollo in a sprint down the beach, signifying thus that Rocky now had all the skills he needed to take out Mr. T...er Clubber Lang.

4. Rocky Balboa (Rocky VI)
The Good: This movie meant that Rocky V wasn’t the end of the series. Other than that, the way Rocky exits the ring before the decision is given (in favor of his opponent,) shows in a slightly poetic way that it’s not the end result that matters, but how he fought the match. He shows heart, something the champ could never have. After all these movies, he’s still the underdog, he's still his own person, and that’s a beautiful thing.

The Bad: His wife is dead and his son is a mess.

The Ugly: Rocky is waiting tables for a living? He should have owned the meat packing business from Rocky I so he could tenderize a few more sides of beef. That would have been nostalgic.  I could never grow bored of watching a man punch meat.

3. Rocky II
The Good: Seems to be the logical way for the series to end; Apollo Creed’s pride is too damaged after their first fight that he has to give Rocky another challenge.  Rocky accepts despite the fact that his heart is in the right place (with his wife in the hospital.) Pride goeth before the fall.

The Bad: The rematch. It goes in the same fashion as the first fight, but they both fall to the canvas. He who gets up first is the winner. I see their attempt at drama, but it just doesn’t work for me. Rocky II very easily could have fallen to #5, but it’s only slightly more original than III and VI so it gets the nod.

The Ugly: The first 1/3 of the movie. Rocky’s romance with Adrian is awkward. His jacket with the tiger on the back is worse than ugly. It’s fugly. Besides this, his endorsement scenes are beneath human dignity.

2. Rocky IV
The Good: The steroid-filled, iron-plated Soviet beast, Ivan Drago. East verses West. Precipice of the Cold War. "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"  Who will shoot the nukes first, us or the Russians? What does it matter because as we learned from another great eighties movie, War Games, we would all end up dead. Rocky takes this knowledge and changes the world for the better. “If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!”

The Bad: The steroid-filled, iron-plated Soviet beast, Ivan Drago. Talk about a great villan!!! This “the bad” is great for the movie, unlike the previous four movies. After Drago kills Apollo Creed in an exhibition match, everyone in the movie theatre is ready to gang jump him!

The Ugly: The steroid-filled, iron-plated Soviet beast, Ivan Drago’s wife. Yikes! Is it me, or was she the lead singer for the Eurythmics?

1. Rocky I
The Good: The original. The Oscar winner. Absolute nobody from nowhere takes the World Champion to the brink of defeat. Mixed in with this is a beautiful love story of two kids in poverty-stricken Philly. American Realism at its best.

The Bad: Apollo Creed’s intentions. Even when he is giving this "nobody" his chance of a lifetime, it’s only purpose is to feed Apollo’s huge ego. Great example of pride at its worst.

The Ugly: Rocky drinks the six raw eggs just before he starts training, without so much as grimacing! Honestly, was there no such thing as salmonella back then?

Snow Day

Here's the scenerio: a blizzard has blown through the area leaving schools and businesses shut down.  Temperatures are in the single digits with wind chills well into the negatives.  A family is stuck inside, sick of watching tv, sick of surfing facebook, very bored. 

What is your favorite snow day activity?