Andrew and Dad's Barbeque Weekend, Part II

Burn Co wasn't a total bust, like, say, our belts, so we walked around the Riverwalk for a while to digest until our hotel room was ready. The plan was to hit Leon's Smoke Shack BBQ as late as possible to recover from lunch. Leon's was a total unknown. Only open Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, we had a feeling that we were in for a treat for a few reasons. First, any BBQ joint that is only open a few days a week is always going to be good. Period. They're only open three days a week because that's all they have to be open. I like that idea. I wonder if I can convince my boss of this philosophy?

The second reason I knew it was going to be good was because they didn't spend a lot of money on a restaurant kit to give it a certain tone or theme, or appeal. It wasn't professionally unprofessional like Burn Co with their industrial "we're trying to make the place look rustic by adding rusted corrugated tin and cement floors with metal ductwork hanging from the ceiling" vibe.  No, Leon's place was simple with its red and white padded seats around four or five tables, a bar with stools reminiscent of the '50's burger scene, and a lot of old model cars everywhere to round out the themeless decor. This was no kit. It was legit. You knew it before coming in when you had to walk past the smoker.  Legit.

Whereas Burn Co. was run by a bunch of young, good-looking, indifferent college kids in their professional outfits to round out the theme, Leon's was a family joint. When we walked in, we were greeted by a large man with a deep voice like Barry White, and a smile that could cure cancer. He was genuinely happy we were there. He let us choose which unwiped table we wanted, and within thirty seconds we were sipping on sweet lemonade. The place had a genuine Southern feel that made me think I was back in Georgia. It was wonderful.

Since Leon's wasn't known for anything in particular like Burn Co's "The Fatty", we decided to get a little bit of everything.  That's what the platter was called: A Little Bit of Everything. And it was a little bit of everything that could be smoked: pulled pork, chopped brisket, chicken breast, spare ribs, and thick-sliced bologna.  The meal came with four slices of bread and we ordered beans and potato salad.  Oh yeah, I forgot about the sausage!

Holy cow good!  The sausage--which was a type that he told me by name, and curse myself, I can't remember what it's called--it was amazing. Great smokey flavor, juicy with a little spice kick on the back side, I had to stop myself from eating it all and ruining my appetite for the rest of the meal. The bologna was homemade. I'm not a bologna fan, but this was definitely something to write about! Thick cut and smokey, melt in your mouth goodness. I decided to grade the sausage and bologna together. 8 for appearance, 8.5 for taste, and 8 for tenderness for a total score of 24.5 out of 27, or a school report card score of 89%.  Considering I don't even enjoy eating bologna, this is an unreal and slightly unfair score from a hard ass who should have just given it straight up 9's.

The pulled pork was next. At Leon's they chop it, almost shredded, which was fine with me.  They left some of the bark on, so you would get little black flecks of goodness in every bite.  That's brilliant. I must start chopping my pork from now on to achieve the same effect. I graded it down on appearance (a 6) because it looked like a scoop of mashed potatoes on the tray, but again, I'm being a little unfair since this is no-frills BBQ. The taste and tenderness both came in at an above average 7, for a total score of 20 out of 27, or a 74%. Looking back on this, I would probably increase each category by .5-1, but the pork was solid any way you cut it.  Get it?  Sorry.

Next was the ribs.  I love good ribs. These were decently good ribs. The first thing I noticed was that they were closer to baby back than spare ribs in size. At Leon's they don't do ribs wet. They have a dry rub that is simple, slightly tangy, and not overseasoned. Even though they looked dry from the outside, on the inside they were very moist, which is a secret BBQ people know and keep to themselves. My guess was apple juice, but it's only a guess. 6 for appearance, 7 for taste, and 7 for tenderness for a solid 20 out of 27, or another 74%. Like the pulled pork, good enough to get again on the next visit if it wasn't for other items...

Andrew was a big fan of the chicken. Again, I thought it was small and dry looking, and unlike the ribs, it was not tender and juicy.  Rubbery was closer to the word I would use.  With the same dry rub that the ribs had, this chicken was good enough that Andrew was reluctant to share. I gave it a 5 for appearance, 6 for taste, and 5 for tenderness for a total of 16 out of 27, or 59%. Since Andrew and I couldn't be more different, it's no surprise that we had completely different takes on the chicken.

I started with the sausage because it was the best item on our tray, so I will finish with the second best item, the brisket. Chopped like the pork, each bite had a little touch of bark, which was nice. The brisket had a great smokey flavor and was seasoned perfectly. Moist and melting in your mouth, this would have been the real winner of the night if it hadn't been for the sausage. Again, in scoop format, it only received a 6 out of 9 for appearance, but the taste and tenderness were both 8's. The brisket received a score of 22 out of 27 for a very solid 82%.  I wonder how good those last two scores would have been if the brisket had been sliced. I really don't know.

The potato salad and beans were solid sides.  The potato salad was sweet with just a very small hint of onion. Nothing makes potato salad worse than by adding raw chunks of overpowering onion, so here, Leon's did it right.  The beans on the other hand were very interesting, and in a good way. Unlike Burn Co., Leon's puts pulled pork in their beans. It's a small, but very important thing. What made the beans interesting was that they tasted like sweet potato pie! Did I mention I felt like I was in the South when I went to Leon's? Both the beans and potato salad: 7/9 (78%) but in retrospect, I should have scored the beans at 8 or 8.5. They were that good.

The atmosphere was very nice, the place a little dusty and dirty, as any serious BBQ joint should be. I scored the atmosphere at a very respectable 7.5 out of 9, or 83%. The one missing ingredient was the barbeque sauce. They had it for .50 cents a little tub-bowl thing. It's a small thing, but a very important thing. Does their sauce really cost so much to produce that they won't give it out with every paid meal? I found that odd to say the least and this was my only true criticism of Leon's Smoke Shack  BBQ.

At $25 for A Little Bit of Everything, you just feel like you're getting a deal, which you are. Value: 8 out of 9. Well done, Leon's. After the Burn Co. billfold bust, you are my new hero.

Overall grade: 84.9%. If you're curious, Andrew gave 9's across the board. He can't wait to go back. The Scoop: Drop $25 for A Little Bit of Everything, and then come back again for your favorites. Or better yet, order over the phone and pick it up for the game.

P.S. If you're curious about Part III: Oklahoma Joes, we were still so stuffed this morning when we woke up that we couldn't bear the thought of more barbeque. Maybe next year!

Andrew and Dad's Barbeque Weekend, Part I

I wanted a little bonding time with my fifteen year old son Andrew, who is growing up too fast for me. I knew that couldn't happen with everyone else around, so together, we created the first annual Andrew and Dad's BBQ Weekend. We considered KC for obvious reasons, but ultimately decided on an underrated but totally legit BBQ destination: Tulsa.

First, we did an exhaustive search online at all the barbeque restaurants in the Tulsa area, cutting the list down to three restaurants: Burn Co, Leon's, and Oklahoma Joes. Next we studied barbeque judging slips and came up with our own rubric to judge the meats. A score of 9 is excellent while a score of 1 means the meat was unfit for an alley cat. From there it was to Tulsa to eat meat like men and gain a few pounds.

Saturday for lunch we went to Burn Co. on the Riverwalk in Jenks. We chose this location, which wasn't the original, because we were afraid of long lines at the downtown original. As it was, the weather was a little soggy, and everyone stayed home, nearly giving us the whole place to ourselves.

The atmosphere may have been a little...down, unexciting but that was fine. It was better than the long lines outside that we had read about.

When you go to Burn Co., there's only one thing to eat: The Fatty. Gaining its fame from the Food Network, The Fatty is a Polish Sausage rolled up with breakfast sausage, ground up hot links, and wrapped in a lattice of bacon. After it's smoked, it is cut in inch-thick servings and usually between two buns or two slices of bread. We ordered the Family serving, which came with Three slices of Fatty without bread.  At first look, it's pretty intimidating.

Andrew was very impressed with The Fatty, since he didn't say a word while eating. He gave The Fatty a 9 out of 9 for appearance, a 9 out of 9 for tenderness (hello, it's mostly ground meat. It better be tender) and an 8 out of 9 for taste. Combine that with an 8 out of 9 for the sauce, he gave The Fatty a score of 34 out of 36 for a 96%, easily an A.

I wasn't as forgiving as Andrew. The Fatty was a lot of meat, so I felt I had to judge each meat separately and then together as a whole. Starting in the middle, the Polish sausage was just average, so-so. If anything, it was inferior in quality. I felt the breakfast sausage was above average, roughly Jimmy Dean quality, with a nice smokey flavor. The ground up hot link was very disappointing. It wasn't hot at all, the opposite of, say, Head Country, whose hot links should come with a roll of Tums as a side. The bacon lattice really didn't add much since it constituted so little of the Fatty slice. Put all the elements together, and it was pretty tasty, not the multitude of flavor dimensions I was expecting from the Food Network hype, but certainly above average. Mop it up with a heaping helping of the house sauce, and it was very palatable.  I gave it an 8 for appearance, a 7 for taste, and an 8 for tenderness for a total score of 23 out of 27, or a school grade of 85%. Solid B. Good, but not great like I was expecting.

Outside of the Fatty, we had the beans, and mac and cheese. I ordered the beans and fell in love with the smokey goodness of the shells and cheese, topped with corn flakes and bacon. It was a must have. Andrew ordered the mac and cheese and fell in love with the beans, which I thought tasted as if they came directly out of a Van Camp's can. Not inedible, but not good. Think of what Lenny and George ate around the campfire in Of Mice and Men. Along that quality.  In my book, beans must be accompanied by some pulled pork or brisket. After all, this is a barbeque restaurant! They were spicy, but bare bones...er beans.

The two of us walked out of Burn Co. having spent nearly $40. The beans cost $4 by themselves and were worth maybe .50 cents. The shells and cheese were $5 and worth every penny. The Fatty was $20, which was respectable considering it was a specialty item you just can't find anywhere else.  Add in a couple of drinks and a tip, and it's an expensive eat, which is why I gave Burn Co. a 4.5 out of 9 for value. With an atmosphere of 4 out of 9, Burn Co. received a generous school score of 71% from the two stuffed barbeque connoisseurs. The Scoop: get a side of mac and cheese and a small Fatty to say you've done it. Then go elsewhere next time.

What's in a Name?

Fantasy football season is here!  As anyone who has ever “played” this great game knows, it’s not about how strong a team you draft, or about the in-season moves you make, or whether or not you hoist the trophy at season’s end.  The most important part of fantasy football is the team name!

The team name is your theme.  It’s what your team is known for.  It’s more than a moniker.  It’s a lifestyle.  A way of being.  It’s iconic. It’s John Cusack’s boombox over his head playing “In Your Eyes” for Diane Court. Yeah, it’s that important.

I put a lot of thought into my team name each year.  I take the top 8 best team names I can conjure, place them into a bracket, and then whittle it down until the best one comes out on top.  There are three different categories of team names when considering what effect you are going for: pride, funny, and just plain questionable.  

First, let’s start with questionable.  Every year players throw out a name that makes the others in the league scratch their head.  (This is what I am normally guilty of. The year I won league, my team name was Bullseyes, because everybody had their best game against me.  Nobody got it. Yep, questionable.)  Take this year’s entrant: Electric Mud.  There’s gotta be a story, right?  Brad is employing some kind of pun, right?  Is it a play off of Debbie Gibson’s 1989 album “Electric Youth”?  Does he still have an infatuation with the greatest female teen idol of all time? 

 

All I know is that without some semblance of explanation, “Electric Mud” is questionable, maybe even brilliant, much like my last-place finish last year with Dalvin and the Chipmunks.  Just like the game of Hearts, it takes brilliance to finish dead last. Who knew Dalvin Cook was going to suck that bad?

Next, let’s talk about serious names.  My team name for years was Steel Curtain, in honor of the great 1970’s Pittsburgh Steelers defenses that dominated the NFL.  I still get emotional thinking about Mean Joe Greene giving that kid a Coke.  Steel Curtain represented more than a team name.  It was an attitude of toughness to which I expected my players to rise. One of the guys in our league has the team name Thunder Hogs.  It makes sense, since he is a huge Arkansas Razorbacks fan.  Obviously he’s throwing some love at his alma mater.  Respect.

 

Finally, there’s the best category, funny.  This could include movie titles, fads, or my favorite, puns.  Let’s start with movie titles.  One of our players’ team is named The Goonies.  Great movie, shows a slightly whimsical side.  This is a great team name. One of our guys years ago had the team name The High Plains Drifters.  Great Clint Eastwood flick! 

That’s doing it right.  There are fads as well, like Kelly’s team “Blu Blockers” like what the sombrero-wearing LA based rapper Dr. Geek and a few others way back in the late ‘80s and ‘90’s wore.  Blu Blockers. That’s an awesome name.  

 

Last year Kelly took a shot at Kevin Durant with his Durant’s Cupcakes.  Love it!

I saved the best for last: puns.  Kirk’s team name this year is Where the Cleats Have No Name, which is a play off the famous song “Where the Streets Have No Name” by U2.  Some of his past names include Sparkling Apple Spiders and Lizards of Oz.  Even though he wins the league more often than not, with names like these, he doesn’t have to worry about wins and losses.  In fact, I wish he wouldn’t.  

Living Life Again

It's been nearly five years since I've written on this blog.  Why?  Here's the story:

I found out I had cancer in early August of 2014.  Not coincidentally, my last blog post was less than a week before.  Being diagnosed with the "C" word can do a number to a person. From my perspective, I was in the fight of my life.  That meant that everything else in my life (anything frivolous, that is--not important things like family) got put on hold.  And it's a real shame, because I was on a roll!

Martin Sisters Publishing had picked up my first novel The Mentor the year before and I watched in amazement as it climbed up the amazon charts.  I found out that getting accepted wasn't the finish line.  It is just the first of many hurdles to cross.  That's where the real work began.  As the book inched it's way towards its publication date, promoting it took front and center.  This meant book signings, getting it into stores, and a speaking tour.

From early 2013 up until August of 2014, I kept myself busy not only promoting The Mentor, but capitalizing on its success by writing its sequel, The Captain, which promised to be even better.  In some ways it was.  People wanted to know what happens next to "Vincent Preston" and I was happy to take what little time I had to continue the story.  That's when I was knocked for a loop with the "C" word.

Now, all of my time was taken up with the fight of my life. The Captain, which was, as I said earlier, in ways better than The Mentor, never had a chance.  Instead of doing book signings, I wore a mask out in public to keep from getting sick.  Instead of going on another speaking tour, I sat listlessly in my easy chair as the chemo punched holes in my brain like Swiss cheese. (I still have a hard time remembering certain events in my life, though it is getting better.)  Instead of finishing the trilogy, which was the plan all along, I sat at a computer screen and deleted each page from book number three I turned out, which wasn't many.  It just wasn't any good.  Here I had spent a lifetime honing my craft, and I couldn't even put together a simple plot.  It was depressing.

Though I was able to get The Captain into Brace Books in Ponca City, that was it.  It languished on the shelves just as the title sat untouched on amazon.com.  All of that hard work for naught.  I felt like I had wasted such a good piece of literature by not being able to give it my full promotional attention.  And here's the worst of it.  As for future books, I didn't know what was going to happen.

Even if I could write another book, I didn't know when I would start feeling like myself again and have the energy to promote it.  Anything I put out was going to flop.  On top of that, once I defeated the big "C" I didn't know if/when it would come back again.  It was a tough feeling of defeat that forced my hand.  I made the decision to stop writing books.

I didn't tell anybody.  I couldn't even tell my wife.  It was a purgatory and I felt helpless.

Every now-and-then, friends and fans who meant well would ask me when my next book was coming out.  Each time it made me want to cry.  It had taken me 15 years to break into the industry, and after a little bit of success, BAM!  It was all taken away.  I felt it was my ethical duty to abstain from publishing anything further.  I couldn't take having another failure like The Captain, and the hopelessness that came along with knowing I had something really good that wouldn't get read.  And that was only possible if my stinking brain could even marshal a competent thought to write in the first place!

So each time somebody asked, I smiled and played it off as best as I could.

They say it takes a couple of years after finishing chemo for the body to start feeling normal again.  That is true-ish...  I finished my chemo in the fall of '15 and took up oil painting as a substitute for my creative outlet.  Or maybe it was just my escape from not writing.  My excuse?  I told myself to accept the fact that I was no longer a writer.  Despite selling quite a few paintings, I couldn't call myself an artist, since I have such a great respect for true art and the masters, but lingering in the back of my mind for five years, nagging at me, pulling at my conscience was an irrefutable fact; I am still a writer.  No matter what I told myself about what I could or couldn't do anymore, writing was still in my blood.

In the summer of 2018, my inhibitions began to change.  Outside of The Mentor and The Captain, I had four other books that I had written over the years with the intent of publishing when I had my first break.  One was the very first book I ever wrote, titled The Unwritten Rules of Moccasin Crick and a second one was my most recent book (outside of The Captain) titled Four Sycamores.  These two books had been stored on a flash drive which was collecting dust.

It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but one hot July day last year, I plugged in the flash drive and pulled up Four Sycamores.  I think my intention was to just read it to see if it was any good.  Then I remembered that I had received a rejection letter from a publisher years prior, and the editor actually took the time to point out a few of my writing flaws with this book.  Well, rereading the letter led to a few revisions here and there, you know, just to right a few wrongs, but the I got into it, and the more I read, the more I revised, and in a beautiful two weeks of being totally mesmerized by the story I had once created, my passion for writing leapfrogged my inhibitions.  After I was done, I immediately got to work on Moccasin Crick and turned this book full of juvenile creativity into something I was very proud of.  I put my flash drive away and wondered what had just happened.

Another school year came and went, and in June, while visiting a Barnes and Noble in Wichita, I found myself in the publishing section.  It just so happened that I came home with the 2019 copy of Writer's Market.  I spent the last month marking it up with a highlighter, just like in the old days before I was a published author.  I imagine it's a lot like a band that is a one-hit wonder, who breaks up over a petty complication, and who ends up back together in the old garage, cranking out new material, or at least new spins on old material.

So yesterday I sent off my first query letter to a literary agency.  Tonight I sent off my fifth.  As this blog entry stretches into the early-morning hours of tomorrow, I can see that the purgatory into which I imprisoned myself is gone.  I can feel the excitement coursing through me that will keep my eyes open when I finally do go to bed.  I don't have a crystal ball.  I don't know if an agent will want to pick me up and help me write the next chapter in my writing career.  I don't know if a publisher will find either of these two books enticing, but no matter what, I am writing again, and it feels great!