Happy Quotes

Happy Gilmore is one of the best comedies of all time, ranking up there with Dumb and Dumber in the "So Dumb You Can't Help But Laugh if You're a Guy and There Are Not Any Women in the Room" category.  Classic college flick! What makes a comedy so good are the quotes, so here are Happy Gilmore's 10 best.  Enjoy!

1. "Volkswagon!" 

The line isn't so funny, but it's the circumstances that make it funny.  Gilmore, a tough hockey player playing golf, is walking down the fairway when a Volkswagon Beetle runs him over.  He's too tough to say something conventional, like "ouch."

2. "Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark."

Happy is on a "friend date" with the hot PR lady, Virginia, and he takes her to a skating rink.  The lights turn off and the music cues up in the middle of the song.  My buddy from college, Ryan Hardaway, was hilarious in the fact that we would be sitting around, doing homework or something else totally boring, and out of nowhere he would blurt out, "Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark."  Always good for a laugh.

3. "You eat pieces of poop for breakfast?"

Happy's nemesis, Shooter McGavin, has just outbid Happy for his grandmother's house and challenges Happy to a winner take all at the tour championship.  Trying to intimidate Happy, McGavin says, "I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast," to which Happy replies, "You eat pieces of poop for breakfast?"  Flushed, McGavin stammers before saying, "...uh, NO!"

4. "During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in a penalty box, and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody."

To which Virginia replies, "You had me at hello."

5. "What? I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family."

It is as good an explanation as any.


6. "Why you don't you just go HOME? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME!"
It's been repeated on putting greens across America ever since!  

7. "You're gonna die, clown!"
    
It's been repeated on mini-golf courses across America ever since!

8. "Erm... I was just looking for the other half of this bottle. Oh. There's some... and some more."

Nice catch after an almost bar fight.

9. "The Price is Wrong, Bob!" 

How many of his contestants have wanted to punch Bob Barker over the years after hearing, "That was not nice and easy."

10. "Darnit! Is that goal regulation size or what? Sheesh!"

Happy swears after missing an easy slap shot.  This could be adapted to about any situation: The basketball court, the football field ("Are those goal posts regulation size or what?" or the tennis court ("Is that net regulation size or what?")